Thursday, September 10, 2009
Late
What do you do when people ask you questions you cannot answer, and better yet no one can? How do you handle that? I am horrible at pep-talks post big life question. I do not know what to do when listening is not good enough. It is odd how moods can change on a dime. How joy can turn into sorrow on a dime. In the midst of the change I am frustrated wit my inability to feel. The numbness that takes over, what do you do with it? Fight it? Ignore it? Go with it? Do not jump to a conclusion that something horrible happened, becasue that really is not the case at all. In fact all that happened is the reality of being a college student. The reality of all it entails. I suppose there is no where to move but forward.
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1 comment:
This is interesting.
I can relate to the 'numb' very well indeed. Maybe you don't want to hear about her, but when I left this last time all I could feel was, well, nothing at all. I wasn't happy, or sad, or depressed, I was utterly devoid of emotion. I guess I just didn't know how to feel, my head was probably tired or something. I put a lot of effort into that whole deal and for it to just fizzle and die in a matter of weeks was pretty anti-climactic. "We did all that for this? Nothing? What just happened?"
You don't fight it, that won't really work too well. Ignore it? I guess so, as best you can. That's what I did and then about three weeks later I was feeling again. I was really missing Jade and then about two weeks later (just about a week back now) I was over it all. I mean I guess I can still look back and think, 'Bummer.' But I'm not sad or upset at all now. What happened happened and here I am hopefully having learned from it.
I don't know what happened that made you post this. Things seemed fine when I was passing out (which I did promptly after I left.) My brain wants to say I played a part in this, but I don't think so.
Something I struggle with daily is time. It cures and fixes all (everything) and yet we're all working on a very limited amount of it. Most of the time you can't just figure things out until enough time passes but with each second that ticks away you're just a little closer to death. Yes, ok, that's a super lame (and depressing) way to look at things, I know. The thing is you just have to let go, I hate it so much. I want answers and I want them right now. I dislike waiting, I loathe it, but I have no choice in pretty much everything I do.
I can't just finish my book right now, I can't move right now, I can't fix my bike right now, I can't really do anything at all right now which tends to get me down--because 'right now' is always 'right now.' (You know?)
I'm wondering what spurred this post though.
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